≡ The Birth of a Prince and the Death of a King
Tuesday, May 20th 2008 I gave birth to a 8lb 10 oz, black, male child. My first son, my third child, a warrior and I was proud. As I laid in the hospital and they brought him to me, clean, washed, new, I looked upon his face; his features strong, broad nose, full lips and wide eyed. There was an indescribable feeling of love I have never felt for any other male in my life. I knew I would love this child who would eventually become a man no matter what but I simultaneously felt a sense of dread and fear that I did not realize existed in me.
As I looked at my strong son I thought of another woman who probably felt similarly to me after the birth of her son and I thought of her pain as that son, once her little black boy she nurtured into a man, now lay in the ground. The oversimplified reason why: he was a Black man and the very nature of him being Black and in the “wrong” place made him suspicious and dangerous. Yes, I thought of Sean Bell and so many like him as I looked at my son.
I thought of how I, as a single mother will attempt to turn my prince into a king. My mind wandered to the questions of the things I would have to share with him. How I would balance affection without coddling him and rendering him unprepared for a world in which those who are supposed to show “courtesy, professionalism and respect” often use those who look like him for target practice and historically and repeatedly go unpunished. I pondered how I, the first and ultimate example of what it is to be a woman would teach him to respect the strength, character and resilience of the original woman who has often carried the weight of the world on her back yet stay far from those who do not have his best interest at heart without seeming stereotypical, catty and self-loathing.
I excruciated over the reality that my child will be a “statistic” another Black child in a fatherless home. How will I teach him not to live, think and internalize that fucked up and ever changing number? I thought of Bell’s little girl who will by no fault of her father also share that same statistic. My child and this child, realities so different but so similar because too many of our Black men are run down, locked up or laid out; a cycle that is often perpetuated by Black men and perpetuated by others against them.
We live in a society that is too comfortable with this reality, with these statistics. A society that is all too ready to make my son the next Sean Bell or Amadou Diallo and on the third happiest day of my life (the other two being the birth of my princesses) I birthed him and thought of these things. I cried tears of joy and tears because my son was conceived in the year a king was slain and born in the year that the killers of that king named Sean Bell went free.
≡ Recent Entries
- The Libertad Urban Farm is Having a Party & Needs to Raise Some Dough!
- HOLISTIC HOOD: Acupuncture & Thursday Yoga
- CONTEMPLATE: Give the P*ssy Some Respect
- COP: The Who’s That BLK GRL Ad Shoot
- CONTEMPLATE: Harlem Heights, The Benefit of the Doubt
- The Black & Brown Divide
- CONTEMPLATE: The BET Harlem Heights Premiere- The Review
- CONTEMPLATE: The BET Harlem Heights Premiere- The Swag Bag
- CONGREGATE: Holistic Hood
- CONTEMPLATE: Ignant Ish We Like
June 5th, 2008 at 7:18 am
I felt the same way! I was on maternity leave with my son while the aquittal happened, and all I could think was what kind of country we brought him into. This country holds no value for the lives of colored people, and it can be very discouraging. But then I thought of the first black man to be a presidential nominee, less than 50 years after black people became full citizens. We have made amazing strides, often led by black men. We have such a long way to go in the US before we are truly equal, but when I think of how far we’ve come, I’m amazed. I feel honored that God placed a black man in my womb to be raised with love and respect for life. Our sons will not fall for “victimology” of being a statistic as one of the 75% of black children born to unwed mothers. Your circumstance does not dictate your future, we will tell them, as we impress upon them the value of their lives, regardless of birth status. And I hope you’ll join me and my son, proudly on January 20, 2009 while we watch the first African American president give his inaugural address in Washington, DC.
June 5th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Your son is beautiful! Congrats to you. If you are breastfeeding and you don’t have a support group or lactioner. I know WIC in florida has a great support group and a lactioner that will answer your questions and may even come out to assist with latching. They also loaned out electric breast pumps for working moms. So check with your local agency if haven’t already.
I hear what you are saying because I have a son,but I feel like God sent this life through me for a purpose and I pray that God will see us through that. I also pray that I do what’s best for him to get there. I grew up in the hood and I could’ve very well ended up like some of the girls around me but my mom did all that she could not to let that happen and it didn’t. So I say that to say, have faith that your parenting and God’s Will, will prevail over the ills of our environment and society.
June 6th, 2008 at 8:35 am
I have a feeling you, your son AND your daughters will be just fine. But we don’t know the future. For all we know, he could change the world. And just think of how you’ll look back and be so proud of him when he does.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Sis,
I wish you peace, strength and courage. May the merciful creator guide your journey, and bless your children. Welcome to Baby Prince!
I really appreciate your blog and keep up with it. It’s good to know your delivery was a successful one.
Stay Strong, Amani
July 27th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
and also…thecaconlinelearningctr.blogspot.com..my son was born on May 20th, 2008 also! Congratulations!